>> Jan. 2000
Sheryl's Personal Journal
January 14, 2000
RM and I almost broke up again. Every time I talk to him I seem to end up angry. We seem to have either too much or too little in common. I just can't tell.
Because he likes BBWs he is always getting on me about my wanting to lose weight. He constantly argues that weight doesn't necessarily affect health. Now that I have found out I am diabetic, it is imperative that I lose weight.
Sometimes he makes me so angry - I wonder why I even bother with this relationship. When I measure the risks against the rewards the risks far outweigh the rewards.
<sigh> But I just can't let him go. Maybe it's just an ego thing. Maybe I need someone who can accept me for who I am, flaws and all. DS doesn't seem much interested in me physically and I really need that.
January 21, 2000
RM sent me the sweetest love letter:
We had come close to breaking up again. Mainly because of past experiences, we weren't giving each other the benefit of the doubt - we were reading hostility into what each of us was saying and it was causing too many problems. At one point he sent me a letter telling me he was ready to accept that it was over if that was what I wanted. After several emails and heart-to-heart chats, we came to an understanding that we would both make an effort to try not to be quite so reactionary. I sent him this card:
January 24, 2000
I'm so glad RM and I didn't break up. I can't wait to see him again. I wish work wasn't so intense right now. I'd take a personal day and drive down to see him. Having almost lost him, I realize how important he is to me. My body aches to be near his.